yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
