so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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