The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Randomize
