my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
