My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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