The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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