Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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