I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
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