Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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