her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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