Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
