I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
