dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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