i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
