About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Randomize
