I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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