Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
