How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
