I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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