you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
