i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
