yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
