she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
