my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
