How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
