mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
