I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
