I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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