Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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