i permit you to call me
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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