you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
