he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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