Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
