i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
this beer tastes like vomit already
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
