the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
