I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
And then the night went full on bisexual.
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