I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
