uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
