oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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