rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
