Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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