I'm eating all of the evidence.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
