The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Randomize
