Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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