He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
