dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
