I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
