i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
