I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
