belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
