I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
